This Is
by Zepheera
Summary: Kaidan Alenko visits the wards to track down Commander Shepard, but things don't go as planned. Set shortly after the end of ME2 Garrus/FemShep - Large reference to past Kaidan/FemShep


**Disclaimer: Mass Effect and all of its characters belongs to BioWare. **

**I tend to do more editing than writing, so this is my attempt at a one-shot set shortly after the end of Mass Effect 2.  
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**Early Evening on the Citadel**

Staff commander Kaidan Alenko strolled nonchalantly through the wards on his way to Flux. He had been informed that the Normandy, now missing the distinctive Cerberus logo, had docked not long ago; and based on his experience, knew that this would be one of the first places that Commander Elissa Shepard would visit. She had made a habit of stopping in to chat with Rita and her sister, Jenna, whenever she had time while on the Citadel.

He had had time to reflect on their last meeting on Horizon. He'd heard she was still alive, but seeing her there, alive but accompanied by a Cerberus lackey and Garrus… everything that he'd thought he'd been able to put behind him surged back to the fore. He regretted his harsh words almost as soon as they'd left his mouth, but his pride refused to allow him to try to retract them. She _had_ joined up with an organization known for its extremist tactics. She's seen it, hell, they'd _all_ seen what happened when Cerberus involved itself. Despite her pleas that he give her a chance to explain, he had turned away from the woman he had grieved for two years, the woman that he still loved, and walked away. Upon reporting back to the Citadel, he'd spoken to Councilor Anderson and found out that her Spectre status had already been reinstated by the Council, despite her affiliation with Cerberus.

The next day he had sent the message.

He never got a reply…

So he worried.

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As he climbed the steps that would take him into Flux, he scanned the crowded room. He quickly located her, tucked into the end of a large booth, and surrounded by a large group of people. He immediately recognized the dark Cerberus agent dancing nearby with a beaming redhead, and wondered why he was still accompanying her. Kaidan's eyes drifted back toward Shepard, who was leaning with her chin resting on her palm, grinning at an animated discussion between a quarian (Could that be Tali?), and a fast-talking salarian. It struck him again just how striking she looked. Her strong features would be called handsome, rather than beautiful, but the sheer force of the personality behind her eyes could steal anyone's breath away.

He strode towards her table, his mind buzzing with what he wanted to say to her. As he drew closer, Shepard immediately noticed the movement. She turned her head to face him, her eyes narrowed, and her smile faded. He came to a stop, confused by her icy glare. She turned back to the group at her table and said a few words before standing up and striding purposefully toward him.

He smiled at her as she approached. "I'm happy to see you again Elissa, I've missed you." He opened his arms to hug her, but dropped them quickly in confusion when she took a step away from him.

"What can I do for you, Alenko?" She asked with cool politeness.

"I was hoping to talk to you, about us-"

"Kaidan," she interrupted, "there is no us. You made that quite clear on Horizon."

"I explained that in my message… you _did_ receive my message didn't you?" Kaidan struggles to keep his footing in the verbal quagmire that seems to have erupted around him.

"Yes I did, and I read it. I didn't feel that it required a return response. Kaidan, you couldn't trust me, you couldn't even _listen_ to me when I tried to explain myself, the situation I had found myself in. You said I had changed, but the problem wasn't that I had changed, it was that _you_ had." Her lips thinned as she paused, then the anger in her face faded, "Neither of us is the same person we were two years ago. What we had died, I don't know if it was when the Normandy was destroyed, on Horizon, or somewhere in between; but what we had, it can't ever be that way again. Too much time has passed, and too much has happened, to both of us."

"Elissa, I'm willing to try again, I _do_ trust you. I said what I did out of anger and shock. I still love you." He says fervently. "I never got over you!"

"For that, I am truly sorry Kaidan," she says softly, her eyes echoing her regret, "but whatever we had is in the past, and I hope you can move on and have a happy life. I can't be the person you want me to be. Please take care of yourself. I hope that one day we can be friends."

With that, she turns away from him, and walks back toward the table. Just as she sits down, a tall figure in dark blue appears out of the crowd, holding a pair of drinks from the bar. Garrus Vakarian sets one of the glasses down in front of Shepard before nudging her gently so that she scoots over and makes room for him to slide into the seat next to her. He settles into place beside her and drapes one arm around her shoulders, dipping his head to nuzzle her hair before taking a sip from his own glass.

Kaidan watches as comprehension dawns. "I've truly lost her."

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**Late Night on the Normandy  
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Commander Elissa Shepard, Hero of the Skyllian Blitz, Savior of the Citadel, the woman who led her team through the Omega 4 Relay and brought them all back safely; the woman who had built a career out of doing the impossible, looks up from examining her data pad and glances over at the sleeping turian in her bed. She hadn't been sure if he would ever forgive her for talking him out of killing Sidonus, but his unfailing trust in her had caused their close friendship to grow into something more. She smiles and shakes her head over her ruminations.

She sets the data pad back down on the table and quietly slides back into bed. Garrus stirs, blindly reaching for her to pull her against him. He sleepily wraps his arms around her and nuzzles her hair as she buries her face in his chest while he rumbles contentedly. She knows that he will follow her to the end of the galaxy and beyond, and she can't imagine continuing to do the impossible without him.

This wasn't a whirlwind romance brought about solely to comfort each other in the face of danger, this was built on a foundation of mutual respect, trust, and long term friendship. This was a partnership. This was love.


End file.
